Catharsis

I write this, not just as a post, but more as a personal catharsis. This form of writing is very different for me and may be by splitting up what I am going through makes accepting it a little easier. It’s not my best work, but it’s a release for me. It was written some time back, so dont think I am out of sync right now!

Does the heart rule the mind? Or does the mind rule the heart?

Mind
The heart convinced me (the mind) that the relationship was worth it. That no matter how many clues stood right in front of me I choose to ignore them. Until I had had enough and told the heart in pretty simple terms to bugger off.
But the heart once in a while gets center stage and floods me with emotions; making me ponder on the past that was never meant to be the future.

I decided that today I would be the controlling figure.

Taking center stage I announce to the rest of the body “Listen up and listen good! The feelings are some thing of the past; they no longer play a part in today’s situation. That is the stand we are taking and every one will help in projecting that.
Feet: you shall no longer walk for miles just to make sure he gets some thing to put a smile on his face
Arms: you shall no longer be there to hold his tired body
Eyes: you shall no longer scan his face to make sure he is ok
We will not watch him walk away.
We will not let even the slightest touch have any physiological effect on us
Are we clear?”

Heart
“I can’t deal with it. I can’t be expected to just shut down and ignore him. I am expected to look right through him. Always living on others expectations. I don’t think I can do this any more. I crushed what ever I felt, what ever I had so that he would not be hurt. But there is only that much you can crush down. And now he is with some one and I should be happy, but I am sad, not that he not with me, but the fact that he cannot look into my face. He can’t even bare being alone with me. We don’t talk and now even the simple hello is so strained!”

Body
“The emptiness is enveloping me. I feel hollow; this vacuum has been created within. Breathing is difficult and controlling the tears even more.”