Smile

I have just read my last two posts, I guess today is the day for contemplation. My emotions have been on a major rollercoaster ride. 3 hours ago I felt alone, I felt lonely even though I had people surronding me. I missed my family, friends just simple delhi lingo.
Now I dont feel too bad, cos even though people I care about are really far away, they still know how to bring a smile on my face. Spoke to a few people today and each did thier own thing from just listening to me talking and crying to giving online hugs (google talk does not even give you the emoticon I guess I have to live with hug for now)
Thank you for being there

Missing home

Today for the first time I miss Delhi. Miss my friends... There are days when only they know how to cheer you up.

If it was tiny she would give me the biggest hug and tell me that "when you kiss the world it kicks you and when you kick the world it kisses you."

If I was with Intellectual Goddess she would be completely logical and mature with me, and then she would make me laugh... her fav line being "Shreez do you know how much work I have"

Blondie and I would go for a walk just chatting, singing and doing stupid things which best friends do!

And if P Diddy was with me, She'd drag me out to TGIF (not much resistance on my part) where we would order a few drinks, and sit and chat for hours. Discuss life from inately stupid things to profound thoughts which explain life as we know it.

I miss you guys.

Its Friday today. And I am in one of my moods. Contemplation, self analysis are the words for the day. Was coming back from my jog in the morning and I began to analyize my self. (A good idea or not I am still not too sure) Any way back to the point. I realized some thing today.... I am an insecure person esp with friends... Once I let people in, its really hard for me to let go. And even the slightest momement can make me crazy.. and then I began to think here I am being insecure about people who may or may not love me back and then there is one person who has been there for me from the day I was born who does not even get the respect he deserves. I am talking about God. Been thinking alot about him now days. His role in my life?
I dont give him the respect he deserves. I call when I need him, but then once the job is done thats it!
I am probably not making alot of sense right now, I dont even know where I am going with this, it just been hitting me alot now days.
I love my family, my friends... but they can be taken away in a split second. But no one can take him away.. I guess I am going to continue this on another day, a little more soul searching for me to do

I see some thing in the distance
So dark so cold so mean
I see anger in its eyes
Its heard what is not said and seen the unseen

It’s heard the hateful words
Seen the scornful glares
It knows the torrid history
And alone the pain it bears

How long can people ignore it?
How long can they say all is fine?
How long can it bear the pain?
How long can it keep its head high?

The thing begins to crumble
I can see the animosity in its eyes
The anger the pain the hatred
In fear and shame it lies

I push my self forward
For reasons I yet do not know
The closer I begin to get
The faster I begin to go

I need to know what it is
I need to see what it sees
And as I remove the veil of mystery
The thing I fear is me

I hear the thunder
I feel the wind
I taste the rain
And as the rain lashes on my window
My emotions lash inside of me
Me hearts beating faster – I don’t know why
The raindrops fall around me
Yet I am oblivious to them
I know I am cold, yet I feel warm
Rain is not the only thing falling
My tears begin to run as well
The rain is pounding harder
And the pain creeps back again
I can’t hold it in no longer
And with anguish I let it out
But thunder overpowers my anguish
And no one hears my pain
I hear the thunder no more
The clouds begin to part
No longer do I taste the rain
The pounding is now a patter
The silence begins to grow
And as the last drop falls – me tears come to a halt
Mother nature has got rid of its fury
But my pain still remains the same

Third time lucky ?

ok, been trying to get into this whole blogging fever for over 6 months. Have created profiles, had them deleted cos I never did any thing with them. Hope fully third time lucky. And actually get down to some blogging. Its not that I havent tried, its a little difficult to write a blog when your server does not let you view the dam thing. Problem with working on the school network is that alot of sites are banned, and every time I try to view my blog it says "pornography violation" Now if that does not stop you in your tracks what will :) Secondly I dont have a personal computer, and when my mind is really racing with intelligent and thought provoking stuff I dont have a PC. Thats why I prefer my journal, easy accesbility. Ok no more excuses, here's to some happy days of blogging.