Blast from the past with a dash of psychological input!

At the end of grade 11 my ‘friends’ suddenly decided they dint want to be friends with me any more. It would have been nice if they had told me. Instead they completely ignored me, whispered behind my back and basically were bitchy (like high school girls are!)

This treatment lasted for about 5 – 6 months. Can you imagine going to school, having people totally ignore you. And those who did speak to you – spoke like you were a condemned person. And the one person who I thought would tell me what was going on, looked right through me when I asked her a question.

Yeah high school girls can be a bitches.
Trust me I know.
I was one and have been on the receiving end as well.

I finally did find out what really happened. Some rumors were spread and instead of confronting me – my ‘friends’ just decided to ostracize me.

Things actually worked out for the best. I made new friends. People who thought I was a stuck up little twit got to know the real me and Blondie and I became best friends.

FYI – she was one of the people who totally ignored me as well

But the point of this post is not to crib about it. It all happened for a reason and I am glad it did. But it did have an effect on me psychologically.

I now have insecurities about friends. Especially close friends. The fear of them suddenly turning their backs on me is high. The fear that some one new who joins will spread rumors about me, or twist my words around leaving me alone constantly plays in my mind.

Why I write about this now I have no idea. I have had an extremely emotional afternoon and rather than facing the issue in front of me I digress into a problem which is mine alone.

Therapy session 1

You know what the best thing about being a psychology major is? The fact that you have other friends who are psych majors as well. And thanks to this fact I have saved my self a whole lot of cash on a therapist and instead use IG’s services free of charge!

Anyhoo had an extremely weird dream last night and have had various interoperations. Any comments are more than welcomed.

The dream started off with me and some one (can’t remember who – though it was not a family member) walking into the cemetery where my grand ma is buried. (The place was exactly what it looks like in real life)
I walk in, go pay my respects at my grandmother’s grave and start to look for another grave. At this point of time I realize that some of the graves have been moved around and the grave I am looking for is not in its original position.

Slightly frantic I begin to search until some one point’s out one grave. Its black granite and very well decorated but there is no name on it. Yet I know this is the one I am searching for. The people next to be say they need to open the grave to confirm the person’s identity.
They open the grave and inside is my grandfather – perfectly preserved.

I see this and sit down next to the open casket and bawl hysterically.

That was pretty much the dream. I have never met my grandfather – well I probably was just a couple of months old when he passed away.
When I was telling my dad my dream I described what my grand dad was wearing. Although hazy I knew he was wearing a suit, and the colors black, grey and red were present. According to my dad that is exactly what he was buried in.

My interpretation: an unconscious desire for me to know more about the family history and learn about my grandparents.

My dad’s view was that my grandfather was reaching out to me and he needs prayers.

IG’s view: (in her words)
Well, first thoughts (and this is largely guess work and likely to not be entirely accurate)
Your hysteria at the grave not being there suggests some anxiety about something being lost- perhaps at your current insecurity about a certain friendship?? And something changing suggested by renovation (in your dream) you obviously don’t want it to change
Black granite- my associations are of something strong and solid
What’s the association to there being "no name"? What is YOUR association to namelessness?

Shreez: well some times I feel like I am a nameless person, like people just kind off forget about me.

IG: hhmmm, back to the dream, did you not want them to open the coffin

Shreez: I don’t remember exactly. I think I was not opposed to it - it was more for their satisfaction that they needed to now if it was the right grave but I knew it was the right one

IG: Okay. Listen. Some strong association and meaning just struck me. The body in the grave is a split part of you. As a result of this change, while one part is convinced of its own strength and stability, confident (body in grave) the other part; outside is hysterical and wants to cry
You don’t need them to open it up, yet for THEIR satisfaction they do. It’s like a test of your character strength perhaps
Nothing comes to me with respect to the no name thing. Something to do perhaps wit losing yourself as a result of all this splitting
Plus, the fact that you chose your grand father (a Lieutenant General) as a symbol suggests a desire to have that strength. Generals are strong and commanding figures

Shreez: well its weird u say that - because my thoughts lately have been that I show case my self to be a strong person - but with my insecurities with this certain friendship I have my self realized what an insecure, over analyzing, blowing things out of proportion in my mind person I can be

IG: Dream interpretation is like peeling an onion. Multilayered meanings as one uncovers the latent content from the manifest content, while the religious one doesn’t enter the picture for you or me. The other two- mine and your family interpretation are both making sense to you and therefore likely to be correct but, I think the family one is less deeper than the one that related to your own psychic processes

See that’s why it’s great having friends who are psychologists!

PS – any other views??