No matter how much I try, there are certain people I cannot forget. No matter how much they hurt me and how many times I promised my self I would put them out of my mind. Some how they manage to crawl into my life again.
Read an interesting blog and it made me think of R. Who says you cant be just friends with the opposite sex. R was only guy I loved for the friend he was, never saw him as any thing else and no matter what other people say - it was a platonic relationship.
The first day I met him, we spoke for over an hour. Walking up and down the street, while I waited for my car to come. And thats how it always was.
Talk every night for a couple of hours.
Laugh about the most inconsequential aspects of our lives.
He was the one I called after bombing a huge presentation,
He was the one I diverted all my calls so I dint need to listen to people telling me how much I screwed up.
He was the one, who would take me for a drive when I felt I would go crazy if I stayed at home.
I would think twice before daring to try a fag, for what would he think.
He is the one who told me to tell tubby that I liked him.
He is the one who listened to me when I had a stupid fight with blondie over tubby.
He taught me how to eat rajma and aloo bujiya
I would always stand up for him.
I always had time for him.
But then things began to change. He dint have the time for me. I could'nt deal with it.
We fought.
I got mad - he remained passive.
I waited for him to call and apologize. He never did. I got sick of waiting and I called him. I apologized for being stubborn, I wanted things to go bak the way they were.
I left the ball in his court, but he had already left the game. I still miss him, 3 years have passed. I met him once, to an outsider it seemed like two strangers were meeting.
How could he have forgotton all the fun we had....
I miss him.. but I guess he's not coming back.
These days have gone my friend
Of careless laughter and unbridled fun
We no longer talk about our future
No long chats about the days ahead
We are there my friend
We are all grown up
It’s sad we are not as close as we thought we would be
You’re far and so am I
The current is rough
Our problems turbulent
I guess there will always be the good old days
Some where in the dark recesses of our mind
Friday, July 20, 2007
Thursday, July 19, 2007
He sits next to her. Unsure of what to do. She is holding on to her knees, head buried in her arms. He can see the fresh scratches on her arms. She seems so smail, a scared little girl - so different from the confidant, happy person he knows.
He touches her tentatively, calling out her name in that deep voice of his.
She looks up at him, her face has lost all colour, her right eye turning a shade of ink blue, her lip is split open and the blood is beinging to clot. He gets up to get an ice pack
She grabs on to him, her nails clawing into his flesh, he can barely get her to release her grip. She pulls him down next to her and as he puts his arms around her, she lays her head down on his chest. They stay like that for some time. He knows he should not push her to talk. His cheek on top her head and says a silent prayer.
He suddenly realizes that she is talking, her voice muffled, he shifts his body so as to hear her better and the words just keep pouring out.
'I tried stopping him, I did. But he was just too strong. It started off with a simple kiss and to be honest I wanted to kiss him as well.
He knew just what to say and when to say. He knows how to make me feel loved. So I kissed him. My arms were entwined around his neck and his hands were on the small of my back. He enveloped me and I felt protected.
He was so tender, in the beginning that is. Things were going to fast, I wasn't ready for it. I told him to stop, but he dint listen - he pushed me on to the bed and climbed on top.
I couldn't move. He told me not to struggle, he told me he loved me. I screamed - that’s when he hit me. The room began to spin. Felt his hands all over me, smelt his breath infused with the tequila he had been drinking slobbering over me.
What happened to the man I knew I thought. What happened to the tenderness which attracted me to him?"
"You saved me" she said. Her monologue now turned into a dialogue with me. "I dont know what would have happened if you ... Why did you come back?"
He touches her tentatively, calling out her name in that deep voice of his.
She looks up at him, her face has lost all colour, her right eye turning a shade of ink blue, her lip is split open and the blood is beinging to clot. He gets up to get an ice pack
She grabs on to him, her nails clawing into his flesh, he can barely get her to release her grip. She pulls him down next to her and as he puts his arms around her, she lays her head down on his chest. They stay like that for some time. He knows he should not push her to talk. His cheek on top her head and says a silent prayer.
He suddenly realizes that she is talking, her voice muffled, he shifts his body so as to hear her better and the words just keep pouring out.
'I tried stopping him, I did. But he was just too strong. It started off with a simple kiss and to be honest I wanted to kiss him as well.
He knew just what to say and when to say. He knows how to make me feel loved. So I kissed him. My arms were entwined around his neck and his hands were on the small of my back. He enveloped me and I felt protected.
He was so tender, in the beginning that is. Things were going to fast, I wasn't ready for it. I told him to stop, but he dint listen - he pushed me on to the bed and climbed on top.
I couldn't move. He told me not to struggle, he told me he loved me. I screamed - that’s when he hit me. The room began to spin. Felt his hands all over me, smelt his breath infused with the tequila he had been drinking slobbering over me.
What happened to the man I knew I thought. What happened to the tenderness which attracted me to him?"
"You saved me" she said. Her monologue now turned into a dialogue with me. "I dont know what would have happened if you ... Why did you come back?"
"I forgot my bag" he says. The nights experience dismantling it self while the familiarity of life surrounds her. 'I forgot my bag' she smiles and he holds on to her, never wanting to let go.
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
I feel good
Dint wake up this morning thinking it was going to be an extremly good day, but by george - even with all the crap going on - I am in a pretty good mood. The only problem now is - whats going to make me crash back in to reality.
But until, I going to enjoy the feeling... listening to some tim mc'graw thanks J3 for all the music. But thats the right music to listen to when you are in a mood to think about life ahead and reminance about the past.
But until, I going to enjoy the feeling... listening to some tim mc'graw thanks J3 for all the music. But thats the right music to listen to when you are in a mood to think about life ahead and reminance about the past.
Pleasant surprise
I hate(and cannot emphasize this enough) - how much I hate going to the bank.
1. I don’t know how to write a cheque
2. I get frazzled when I have to withdraw money from the bank instead of the atm
3. I have now learnt how to get a demand draft made (and still make mistakes some times)
Now you may consider me a spoilt brat - but with the comforts of online banking, standing in ques for ages is really not worth it.
Especially when you are dealing with a government bank.
Bureaucratic, extremely slow and just down right rude. Since I have got my account with a government bank (there are no private banks here) I absolutely HATE going to the bank.
I have fought with the manager at least 3 times. Trying to get a simple bank statement for my visa turned out to be such an ordeal.
I go bright and early to find out, how I can go about getting a bank statement I am told to come back at 3 pm, to meet the accountant. I ask whether I should bring any documentation. I am told NO. I come back at 3 pm, to be told by the accountant that I need to a letter. When I say that I was told I did not need one, he screams at me for thinking I can waltz into the bank and act like a big shot. I then decided to just get this thing done with and ask whether I can get a piece of paper to write the letter. He then says - we are a bank not a stationers
(Intellectual Goddess was with me and could see my blood boil)
This is when I lost my temper and threw a diva tantrum (watch out biatch) !!!
So understandably, when I had to go to the bank to tell them I needed a new pin number for my debit card and get a demand draft made - I would be in for an hour of waiting and extremely high levels of frustrations.
With a deep breath I walk in, telling my self to remain calm. I am told to go to this new guy, to discuss my debit card issue.
I give him my letter; I have come prepared this time. Letter and pass book ready for display. He takes the letter, reads it - says it will take a week to process and will get a new pin next week. That was quick I thought maybe it wont be as bad as I thought. I go to get a demand draft slip and am standing in line to get it done. He calls me back again, confirms that the email has been sent. Seeing the demand draft slip in my hand, takes it from me.
He by passes all the lines and gets my slip verified and hands me my demand draft in less than ten minutes along with my updated pass book.
I was flabbergasted. I have never had such amazing service. Kudos to him for renewing my faith in government banks. If only the government hired more people like that !
And I come back to the office to find out he has made banking a pleasant experience for others as well.
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Can we try behaving like adults
"You have joined the work force, its time to stop acting as a kid. You are an adult now - act like one. "
Wise words from a wise woman - my mum
I wished the other 'adults' had some one to tell them the same. People twice my age acting as kids - with the he says she says philosophy, how do you expect any logical comprimise to be reached.
Hitting below the belt, vile rumours, back stabbing - is this my initiation to the working world?
Here to mold the minds of the future generations, doomed they are !
Wise words from a wise woman - my mum
I wished the other 'adults' had some one to tell them the same. People twice my age acting as kids - with the he says she says philosophy, how do you expect any logical comprimise to be reached.
Hitting below the belt, vile rumours, back stabbing - is this my initiation to the working world?
Here to mold the minds of the future generations, doomed they are !
Friday, July 13, 2007
You learn
Listening to Alanis Morissette 'you learn'
You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn
You grieve you learn
You choke you learn
You laugh you learn
You choose you learn
You pray you learn
You ask you learn
You live you learn
What have I learnt ?
1. Althought he hurt me, I still love him ( I think)
2. No matter what they say - I know who I am
3. His insecurities, not mine (I must try to fogive)
4. Being in love is wonderful
5. I'm not scared of being single, having some one does not make me any different
6. B'cos I am too chicken - I have lost the opportunity to say what I had to say
7. Jesus Christ is my saviour
8. Who care's if I screwed up in the past, it brought me here !
9. Stop letting people take you for granted - speak up
10. I'm catstrophe prone
You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn
You grieve you learn
You choke you learn
You laugh you learn
You choose you learn
You pray you learn
You ask you learn
You live you learn
What have I learnt ?
1. Althought he hurt me, I still love him ( I think)
2. No matter what they say - I know who I am
3. His insecurities, not mine (I must try to fogive)
4. Being in love is wonderful
5. I'm not scared of being single, having some one does not make me any different
6. B'cos I am too chicken - I have lost the opportunity to say what I had to say
7. Jesus Christ is my saviour
8. Who care's if I screwed up in the past, it brought me here !
9. Stop letting people take you for granted - speak up
10. I'm catstrophe prone
A DeMontini
Although a rip off from the classic martini - a De Montini is no martini
Icy cold, hot pink and highly intoxicating - a de montini is drink you should not miss !
1 part vodka
2 part tequila
1 part white rum
Dash of Triple sec
1 part Strawberry crush
Crushed ice
Sugar (pink preferably)
Squeeze of orange (or any other citrus fruit, lemon should do)
1. In a shaker add the four spirits & strawberry crush - shake well
2. Sugar coat the rim of the coupette glass
3. Fill it with crush ice (a little more than half the glass)
4. Top of with mixed spirits
5. Squeeze some orange juice before serving (just a dash)
Enjoy !
Icy cold, hot pink and highly intoxicating - a de montini is drink you should not miss !
1 part vodka
2 part tequila
1 part white rum
Dash of Triple sec
1 part Strawberry crush
Crushed ice
Sugar (pink preferably)
Squeeze of orange (or any other citrus fruit, lemon should do)
1. In a shaker add the four spirits & strawberry crush - shake well
2. Sugar coat the rim of the coupette glass
3. Fill it with crush ice (a little more than half the glass)
4. Top of with mixed spirits
5. Squeeze some orange juice before serving (just a dash)
Enjoy !
Losing my virginity
Intellectual Goddess (IG) and I spoke after ages yesterday and as usual the discussion turned out to be quite interesting.
I was expressing my annoyance at two things first that most people I meet think I am still in school. Parents have walked up to me asking whether I am in the same grade as thier child.
Travelling back from London, the head steward point blank asks me how old I am. He thought I was 16 (Shreez is not loving this)
Secondly is the fact that SM thinks I am not a virgin. For the record I am and not at all ashamed about it. If you see my ex boy friends you will figure out why !
But the fact is, that she thought I was bonking every guy I went out with. IG figures its not such a big deal and the fact that when we (the gang of girls) do get down to discussing the intimate aspects of sex, I for some reason know quite a bit.
I pick up alot of random information as I pass through my life and most of it comes through Papa Romero and P Diddy. Who else would walk into my house at 4 am and ask me what a dingleberry is?
you really dont want to know trust me (and papa romero can explain it if he wants too)
But IG and I got into a deep conversation about piercings... she was quite shocked to know that penis piercing is quite common. Now why would any self respecting man do it - but hey each to his own right (i think)
Woman pierce thiers as well, so I guess if one can do it why cant the other...
Any way this conversation sounded much funnier yesterday - I shall end now
beam me up scotty
I was expressing my annoyance at two things first that most people I meet think I am still in school. Parents have walked up to me asking whether I am in the same grade as thier child.
Travelling back from London, the head steward point blank asks me how old I am. He thought I was 16 (Shreez is not loving this)
Secondly is the fact that SM thinks I am not a virgin. For the record I am and not at all ashamed about it. If you see my ex boy friends you will figure out why !
But the fact is, that she thought I was bonking every guy I went out with. IG figures its not such a big deal and the fact that when we (the gang of girls) do get down to discussing the intimate aspects of sex, I for some reason know quite a bit.
I pick up alot of random information as I pass through my life and most of it comes through Papa Romero and P Diddy. Who else would walk into my house at 4 am and ask me what a dingleberry is?
you really dont want to know trust me (and papa romero can explain it if he wants too)
But IG and I got into a deep conversation about piercings... she was quite shocked to know that penis piercing is quite common. Now why would any self respecting man do it - but hey each to his own right (i think)
Woman pierce thiers as well, so I guess if one can do it why cant the other...
Any way this conversation sounded much funnier yesterday - I shall end now
beam me up scotty
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Follow up to random post 1
Well chatting with N again as you can see I dont want to work today, well basically I have decided to not name people on my blog, but refer to them by code names or initials... (I must confess this is a stolen idea)
I give N the option to come up with a code name, - I laugh
N - I see you have used our discussion, where are my royalties
me - ah you read my blog
N - yup
me - called u 'N" i have decided not to take ne names... so either come oup with a code name or be for ever know as N n big daddy not allowed (his first choice for code name)
N - how about papa romero
me: that just cracks me up... the name needs to encompass the person that is u and u are no big daddy or papa romero
hahahahaha
N - hey romero is a famous guitarist
ok ill settle for nutjob
For future reference N is now called nutjob
Nutjob and I continue our conversation
NJ - flutter flutter, you talking about who I think you are talking about
me: yup yup
me: as much as i love being single i am utterly sick of it and it sucks even more when your ex's have moved on and the ones you like dont even know you exist
me: talk to me...
btw i must warn u, there is a high possibility that all conversations from now onwards shall be relayed on my blog if content is funny, serious or life changingly deep
NJ: as long as u use papa romero
hehe
me: nope its nut job... decided
has a nice ring to it
NJ: crap!
I finally feel bad to the guy and now has been renamed to papa romero
Done for the day, not that I did any thing, going home... aloha
I give N the option to come up with a code name, - I laugh
N - I see you have used our discussion, where are my royalties
me - ah you read my blog
N - yup
me - called u 'N" i have decided not to take ne names... so either come oup with a code name or be for ever know as N n big daddy not allowed (his first choice for code name)
N - how about papa romero
me: that just cracks me up... the name needs to encompass the person that is u and u are no big daddy or papa romero
hahahahaha
N - hey romero is a famous guitarist
ok ill settle for nutjob
For future reference N is now called nutjob
Nutjob and I continue our conversation
NJ - flutter flutter, you talking about who I think you are talking about
me: yup yup
me: as much as i love being single i am utterly sick of it and it sucks even more when your ex's have moved on and the ones you like dont even know you exist
me: talk to me...
btw i must warn u, there is a high possibility that all conversations from now onwards shall be relayed on my blog if content is funny, serious or life changingly deep
NJ: as long as u use papa romero
hehe
me: nope its nut job... decided
has a nice ring to it
NJ: crap!
I finally feel bad to the guy and now has been renamed to papa romero
Done for the day, not that I did any thing, going home... aloha
Home Sweet Home
Just got back from vacation - went back home for a week, I have lived in that house for 10 years but now after 2 years in my little cottage - its home for me.
I now go back home to visit my parents, it will always be my home, with its arms open welcoming me back home, but the joy of coming back to my little place, unlocking the door I walk in, the house is fresh, flowers in various parts of the house, three plants which I shall hopefully not kill !
Taking a page of out compulsive confessor blog on "when does a house become a home"
1. I consider my self quite house proud, I am a born hostess and enjoying throwing dinner parties
2. The fact that I know what exactly lies in my kitchen, including the packet(s) of prunes which makes S deduce that I am higly constipated (FYI I am not and the prunes are not for me)
3. What was just four walls, now with all the DIY and interior decorating ideas this house has now become my home - reflecting the person that is me !
I love having visitors, drop on by any time - food and drinks guarenteed
I now go back home to visit my parents, it will always be my home, with its arms open welcoming me back home, but the joy of coming back to my little place, unlocking the door I walk in, the house is fresh, flowers in various parts of the house, three plants which I shall hopefully not kill !
Taking a page of out compulsive confessor blog on "when does a house become a home"
1. I consider my self quite house proud, I am a born hostess and enjoying throwing dinner parties
2. The fact that I know what exactly lies in my kitchen, including the packet(s) of prunes which makes S deduce that I am higly constipated (FYI I am not and the prunes are not for me)
3. What was just four walls, now with all the DIY and interior decorating ideas this house has now become my home - reflecting the person that is me !
I love having visitors, drop on by any time - food and drinks guarenteed
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