I am a cosmo girl. I love that magazine and actually any girly magazine. And you always read about men who happened to pick up one of these magazines and fall in love with it. I happened to pick up “Men’s Health” a self proclaimed mans magazine while waiting at the dentists. And it was quite the read, some of the stuff cracked me up and I just had to share it with you.
Page 1
A man does not have to perform several times on one night to prove his virility. It’s the quality not the quantity!
Uplifting men’s spirits everywhere. Pun intended.
And the question every man is dying to ask but too afraid to ask!
How do you keep your skin glowing?
How do you side step the hangover look?
What is the deciding factor in changing your look?
If a woman flirts with me via email does she want me to ask her out?
If ones single, your age and you’ve met before and had a good time together, then yes! Trading emails is different from telephone conversations, sexual innuendoes and coy remarks just don’t slip out, they are crafted carefully. (true!) A lot of women send friends barely flirtatious email drafts to ask if this sounds to desperate.(so true!) So if you get the impression that she’s flirting, she probably is and you should ask her out. (damn right!)
If a man starts to flirt too much via email, they get paranoid that they are dealing with a cyber pervert.
What mans magazine would be complete without convincing every beer guzzling male that beer is actually good for you. From a beer lover herself, I like this article!
Beer has a lower risk of causing heart attacks and gallstones
Beer is better than
Orange juice 45 calories / 100gms
Beer 39 calories / 100gms
Soy milk 55mg / 100gms – sodium
Beer 4mg / 100gms
Well if your going to be going to a stripper – you need to know strip etiquette!
*Use the term dancer not stripper (true!)
*Never tip with coins – that is just cheap (and uncomfortable!)
*Just because she is a stripper does not mean she is a whore (agreed)
*Avoid boxers and wear tight briefs. The only tent she wants to see is at a camp site! (hahahaha)
A small penis is not a sign of inadequacy. Most penises large, medium or small are the same size when erect.
…so why classify them into small, medium or large?
And last but not least
Thank you for your feature on Gyneasmastia (June 09) I’ve lived in shame for several years but now I know I am not a woman just an oddly shaped man.
(uuurrrmmm yeah.. ok then!)
So the man’s magazine is interesting to say the least, but this girl prefers her cosmo any day.
Showing posts with label hilarious. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hilarious. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Saturday, July 18, 2009
The fabulous life!
Presenting the fabulous life!
After a good nights sleep, wake up post 11am, because honestly which self respecting who’s who wakes up early now days. Its so passé
After a leisurely breakfast, or is it brunch? Who really cares!
Now we all know, if one eats, one must exercise. Got to look good!
No boring gymming (as the lovely Delhi’ites say!) The new and IN thing to do is Pilates.
With the right type of breathing and some well designed work out plans – Pilates is the answer to getting the new you.
It’s off to the spa then. Got to protect your body against this horrible humid weather we’ve been having. Protect those digits ladies! Don’t want chipped nail polish now do we. Gasp!
A head massage, shoulder / back rub, the nitty gritties of hair removal and pedi / mani – one is ready to go.
Oh look at the time! Luncheon with the girls awaits. A quaint Italian joint is the choice for today.
Hello darlings
And wow you look fantastic today
How was the honeymoon wink wink
Floats around the place.
After finally getting down to ordering, a couple of rounds of cocktails later, and some well deserved lunch. Its time to say tata and flounce off for a bit of shopping. Louis Vitton is having a sale. Everyone is checking it out.
Now with all the absolutely gorgeous hunks gracing the silver screen, a movie is always on the schedule. If its bad boy Bradley Cooper in Hangover or Yummy Ryan Renolds in The Proposal. Its movie time darling!
Post movie – coffee is always a good idea. But needs to be on the go, us busy girls have to get home and get ready for the night ahead.
But a quick stop at the pool before heading back home. All those calories! One needs to be careful dear.
A 10 minute shut eye in the steam, walk out looking good and feeling refreshed.
A quandary!! What to wear??
Tap freshly done nails against wardrobe.
Finally pick out that perfect piece!
Dressed and ready – its time to hit the town.
Advice – don’t always stay in one place – its all about being seen everywhere! Party till the break of dawn, difficult in Delhi where everything ‘seems’ to close at 1, but its all about breaking the rules isn’t it?
Head back home to a well deserved sleep. Advice – don’t drive drunk. You’re too pretty to die!
Wash off that make up and slip into those covers and cuddle the one next to you.
Until tomorrow..
Xoxo
Shreez!
The life of the ‘fabulous’ and since I have been in Delhi for the part 2 months, without a care in the world – my life is imitates this life kind of poorly.
Wake up post 11 – well that ones true, I am a facebook addict and end up chatting with half the world till 3am!
What to do!
Breakfast / lunch depends on what time post 11 I actually surface. *sheepish shrug*
Pilates – YES I have started that. YES its great fun. YES my body is in excruciating pain. But it’s a blast and I have blondie with me, so that’s good motivation.
Spa treatment is done every two weeks. Oh how I missed these head massages. Though my hair seriously needs a trim. Oh how I miss you hoops!!!!
Luncheon with the girls – happened once. I wanted to shoot my self. To discuss the pros and cons of a summer versus winter wedding is not really how I want to spend my afternoon. And to sum up the debate eloquently
“Who really wants to sweat at a wedding darling? Gasp!”
Shreez rolls her eyes!
Shopping – ZILCH / NADA / NOPE / NAY
I know does not sound like me, but hey even this girl needs to keep her purse strings tied.
Movies – ok that’s my guilty pleasure. I love watching movies! Hangover - hilarious. Can I get Bradley Cooper sent to India?
Coffee is usually done with Blondie – or I stroll down to the local barista with a good book and feel happy.
Swimming another one of my favourite things to do. Up to 70 laps a day baby!
I have gone out a total of 2 times since I have been in Delhi. And honestly give me CNSVC, monitor gin, fried eggs, henna, permanent marker, laughter, memories, jokes and great conversation anyday!
And to last bit of the fabulous life – cuddling next to that someone special, I spend every other night getting attacked by my dog, trying to get onto my bed. But then again I have been away for 4 years, so now he thinks the bed is his.
Oh life!
And that my friends, is the fabulous life of shreez.
xoxo
After a good nights sleep, wake up post 11am, because honestly which self respecting who’s who wakes up early now days. Its so passé
After a leisurely breakfast, or is it brunch? Who really cares!
Now we all know, if one eats, one must exercise. Got to look good!
No boring gymming (as the lovely Delhi’ites say!) The new and IN thing to do is Pilates.
With the right type of breathing and some well designed work out plans – Pilates is the answer to getting the new you.
It’s off to the spa then. Got to protect your body against this horrible humid weather we’ve been having. Protect those digits ladies! Don’t want chipped nail polish now do we. Gasp!
A head massage, shoulder / back rub, the nitty gritties of hair removal and pedi / mani – one is ready to go.
Oh look at the time! Luncheon with the girls awaits. A quaint Italian joint is the choice for today.
Hello darlings
And wow you look fantastic today
How was the honeymoon wink wink
Floats around the place.
After finally getting down to ordering, a couple of rounds of cocktails later, and some well deserved lunch. Its time to say tata and flounce off for a bit of shopping. Louis Vitton is having a sale. Everyone is checking it out.
Now with all the absolutely gorgeous hunks gracing the silver screen, a movie is always on the schedule. If its bad boy Bradley Cooper in Hangover or Yummy Ryan Renolds in The Proposal. Its movie time darling!
Post movie – coffee is always a good idea. But needs to be on the go, us busy girls have to get home and get ready for the night ahead.
But a quick stop at the pool before heading back home. All those calories! One needs to be careful dear.
A 10 minute shut eye in the steam, walk out looking good and feeling refreshed.
A quandary!! What to wear??
Tap freshly done nails against wardrobe.
Finally pick out that perfect piece!
Dressed and ready – its time to hit the town.
Advice – don’t always stay in one place – its all about being seen everywhere! Party till the break of dawn, difficult in Delhi where everything ‘seems’ to close at 1, but its all about breaking the rules isn’t it?
Head back home to a well deserved sleep. Advice – don’t drive drunk. You’re too pretty to die!
Wash off that make up and slip into those covers and cuddle the one next to you.
Until tomorrow..
Xoxo
Shreez!
The life of the ‘fabulous’ and since I have been in Delhi for the part 2 months, without a care in the world – my life is imitates this life kind of poorly.
Wake up post 11 – well that ones true, I am a facebook addict and end up chatting with half the world till 3am!
What to do!
Breakfast / lunch depends on what time post 11 I actually surface. *sheepish shrug*
Pilates – YES I have started that. YES its great fun. YES my body is in excruciating pain. But it’s a blast and I have blondie with me, so that’s good motivation.
Spa treatment is done every two weeks. Oh how I missed these head massages. Though my hair seriously needs a trim. Oh how I miss you hoops!!!!
Luncheon with the girls – happened once. I wanted to shoot my self. To discuss the pros and cons of a summer versus winter wedding is not really how I want to spend my afternoon. And to sum up the debate eloquently
“Who really wants to sweat at a wedding darling? Gasp!”
Shreez rolls her eyes!
Shopping – ZILCH / NADA / NOPE / NAY
I know does not sound like me, but hey even this girl needs to keep her purse strings tied.
Movies – ok that’s my guilty pleasure. I love watching movies! Hangover - hilarious. Can I get Bradley Cooper sent to India?
Coffee is usually done with Blondie – or I stroll down to the local barista with a good book and feel happy.
Swimming another one of my favourite things to do. Up to 70 laps a day baby!
I have gone out a total of 2 times since I have been in Delhi. And honestly give me CNSVC, monitor gin, fried eggs, henna, permanent marker, laughter, memories, jokes and great conversation anyday!
And to last bit of the fabulous life – cuddling next to that someone special, I spend every other night getting attacked by my dog, trying to get onto my bed. But then again I have been away for 4 years, so now he thinks the bed is his.
Oh life!
And that my friends, is the fabulous life of shreez.
xoxo
Thursday, May 07, 2009
and they say women cant keep their mouths shut
Enter - Wiggles and Dreads.
Well it is my fault for telling them about my love life.
The tale is now regaled at gatherings and facebook.
Lovely :)
.
.
.
.
But you gotta love them!
I love my friends...
Well it is my fault for telling them about my love life.
The tale is now regaled at gatherings and facebook.
Lovely :)
.
.
.
.
But you gotta love them!
I love my friends...
Monday, May 04, 2009
Of course New Zealand has electricity, I saw it on the world map… at night!
So the past two weeks have been fun! Hanging out with friends and enjoying the last few days we have together. It always happens .. get to know people really well at the end of semester and wishing we were this close at the beginning of semester.
We have been planning to make pizza since Friday. We were going to do it at Benderloch. So we arrive there at 6 ready to make some pizza. In walks SuperMario – our chef and goes so where are the ingredients?
Me: Uuumm dint you guys go buy them this afternoon?
SM: Yeah they are at Mehendi’s house.
Me: Dang!
SM: Ok, so we will just walk down and get it.
Me: What about the vegetables?
SM: Oh wiggles is getting it
Cue entrance – wiggles
SM: where are the veggies
W: what veggies?
Oh shit!
So there goes the plan of making pizza. We stick to tibbs instead.
Sunday after Frisbee, we decided to have another go at making pizza and head out to Kiwi’s place. (which btw is a gorgeous house!)
Plan was to be there at 6, start cooking and eat dinner by half past 7.
In walks in SM at 7!
Okay so we are a bit off on time, but hey no issues…lets get this pizza going.
So we chop and we dice and we grate, and its all ready to go.
Unfortunately the oven does not work!
Slight problem right… anyhoo… we will just ask the dorm if we can use their oven.
No such luck – they don’t have an oven!
Strike one
We’ll just call on the neighbours says Kiwi.
They are not at home
Strike two
Frustration rises!
Lets call Margaret and being the lovely lady that she is, calls us down to bake the pizza.
Remember that we are walking through a campus, which is known for bison roaming around, oh and let us not forget Bison Bob (he was attacked by bison!)
Make it to M’s safe, the oven is on… lets get this show on the road!
Step 1: open oven door
Step 2: put tray in
Step 3: scream in frustration because the tray does not fit
Can you say strike 3!
After laughing out of sheer exhaustion. We become creative. Lets just say hunger pangs make you think way out of the box.
So tray one is put in at an angle – yes! At least one pizza will cook.
Now what about tray 2? Too big to put in.
Just fold it in half and make a calzone !
Not as easy as it sounds.
After some clever manoeuvring, its pushed into the oven and now we just wait.
Well to cut a long story short, 20 min later, we have one pizza and one…I really don’t know what to call it.
Let the picture speak for it self.
We have been planning to make pizza since Friday. We were going to do it at Benderloch. So we arrive there at 6 ready to make some pizza. In walks SuperMario – our chef and goes so where are the ingredients?
Me: Uuumm dint you guys go buy them this afternoon?
SM: Yeah they are at Mehendi’s house.
Me: Dang!
SM: Ok, so we will just walk down and get it.
Me: What about the vegetables?
SM: Oh wiggles is getting it
Cue entrance – wiggles
SM: where are the veggies
W: what veggies?
Oh shit!
So there goes the plan of making pizza. We stick to tibbs instead.
Sunday after Frisbee, we decided to have another go at making pizza and head out to Kiwi’s place. (which btw is a gorgeous house!)
Plan was to be there at 6, start cooking and eat dinner by half past 7.
In walks in SM at 7!
Okay so we are a bit off on time, but hey no issues…lets get this pizza going.
So we chop and we dice and we grate, and its all ready to go.
Unfortunately the oven does not work!
Slight problem right… anyhoo… we will just ask the dorm if we can use their oven.
No such luck – they don’t have an oven!
Strike one
We’ll just call on the neighbours says Kiwi.
They are not at home
Strike two
Frustration rises!
Lets call Margaret and being the lovely lady that she is, calls us down to bake the pizza.
Remember that we are walking through a campus, which is known for bison roaming around, oh and let us not forget Bison Bob (he was attacked by bison!)
Make it to M’s safe, the oven is on… lets get this show on the road!
Step 1: open oven door
Step 2: put tray in
Step 3: scream in frustration because the tray does not fit
Can you say strike 3!
After laughing out of sheer exhaustion. We become creative. Lets just say hunger pangs make you think way out of the box.
So tray one is put in at an angle – yes! At least one pizza will cook.
Now what about tray 2? Too big to put in.
Just fold it in half and make a calzone !
Not as easy as it sounds.
After some clever manoeuvring, its pushed into the oven and now we just wait.
Well to cut a long story short, 20 min later, we have one pizza and one…I really don’t know what to call it.
Let the picture speak for it self.
Walk back up… hoping no bison were around.
Made it back safe, ended up sitting on the kitchen floor eating the ‘pizza’
Playing with left over dough
Just another Sunday at Kodai
“No honestly, looking at it – I don’t feel hungry” – Margaret
Made it back safe, ended up sitting on the kitchen floor eating the ‘pizza’
Playing with left over dough
Just another Sunday at Kodai
“No honestly, looking at it – I don’t feel hungry” – Margaret
Friday, April 24, 2009
Erh Eh and all that!
It’s been too long! And with so much happening, I am going to have to resort to photographs and bulleted points to cover the last few weeks or so…
*THE EUCY IS DONE. Its at the printers as I type J gets back in 3 weeks and the fruits of my labour shall be seen
*Impromptu get together’s at my house. Wine, tequila and gin involved
*Just chatting about random things till one in the morning
*Hiding eggs, bread and sprite in a bullet
*Watching movies with really bad acting
*That’s what she said!
*The all school play is DONE. Was in charge of make up. Good fun! Always a blast hanging out back stage. Just let’s say some of the videos are hilarious!!!
*Waking up at 5am to go for sunrise service on Easter morning, then deciding it was going to rain, so instead dropped other people off. Leaving the house in my pajamas and hair a complete mess, and going for a drive around the lake with hoops and then stopping off At a dhaba and getting chai. I love moments like that
*Watching a movie with male frontal nudity for the first time. Yeah forgetting sarah marshal isn’t that great!
*Making a rock garden
*Having a rock dropped on my finger
*Realizing that every finger on my hand is injured in some way or the other.
*Realizing that I have really weird fingers
*KFCc
*FML
*THE EUCY IS DONE. Its at the printers as I type J gets back in 3 weeks and the fruits of my labour shall be seen
*Impromptu get together’s at my house. Wine, tequila and gin involved
*Just chatting about random things till one in the morning
*Hiding eggs, bread and sprite in a bullet
*Watching movies with really bad acting
*That’s what she said!
*The all school play is DONE. Was in charge of make up. Good fun! Always a blast hanging out back stage. Just let’s say some of the videos are hilarious!!!
*Waking up at 5am to go for sunrise service on Easter morning, then deciding it was going to rain, so instead dropped other people off. Leaving the house in my pajamas and hair a complete mess, and going for a drive around the lake with hoops and then stopping off At a dhaba and getting chai. I love moments like that
*Watching a movie with male frontal nudity for the first time. Yeah forgetting sarah marshal isn’t that great!
*Making a rock garden
*Having a rock dropped on my finger
*Realizing that every finger on my hand is injured in some way or the other.
*Realizing that I have really weird fingers
*KFCc
*FML
*WC
*Am back to crocheting. Yay me! Did 4 hats in 4 days.
*Am now god mother again. Looks like I am headed to Hyderabad for the christening next week
*Laughing hysterically in the staff lounge
*Going crazy on coffee highs (note to self, no more days of 8 cups of coffee and no food!)
*“Can you say Cat Face”
*“Wiggles have you arisen?”
*CSC
*Crazy nights at the golf course
*Ali baba pants
*Coffee at quicky’s
*Am back to crocheting. Yay me! Did 4 hats in 4 days.
*Am now god mother again. Looks like I am headed to Hyderabad for the christening next week
*Laughing hysterically in the staff lounge
*Going crazy on coffee highs (note to self, no more days of 8 cups of coffee and no food!)
*“Can you say Cat Face”
*“Wiggles have you arisen?”
*CSC
*Crazy nights at the golf course
*Ali baba pants
*Coffee at quicky’s
*Long weekend in Bangalore. The most relaxing holiday ever. Thank you Rays for making it an amazing weekend!!
*Nervous about the future
*Emotional about the past
*Trying to take in every thing of the present
*Nervous about the future
*Emotional about the past
*Trying to take in every thing of the present
"Spicy Goat"
"Thats all!"
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
So I'm engaged
Ok so my last post was ages ago! This is ridiculous I tell you! Any way I am sitting in front of my fire place, good music on and a glass of wine next to me, a perfect setting to write a long post about life.
Where do I start? Hhhmmm? Lets see shall we..the most recent news:
MY ENGAGEMENT!
Now before you have a cow, let me clarify my fake engagement that is!
So a few weeks ago I was hanging out at Bartlett and I happened to mention my trip to Delhi which was coming up, as usual the boys needed to know where, how, when, why and with who. Just to add a bit of spice to life I just ‘happened’ to mention my engagement. To which there was an instant reaction.
~What, why, to who?
~Your way to young
~NO NO & NO!
I continued to tell them about my engagement and the fact that this was being arranged by my parents and that the guy was a friends son. I dint expect the boys to get SO upset.
The next hour was spent listening to the advice about how an arranged marriage was not the best thing to do and what if the guy turned out to be a creep.
I got offers for marriage
I got offers to have the guy beaten up / killed if he ever hurt me
I got offers to be taken care of and just to say no to my parents
I even got told to use protection. (Boys what can you say!)
I figured I’d keep the joke up till I left for Delhi, just because I am evil!
The next 2 weeks were crazy, the news spread like wildfire and I had the entire student body congratulating me on a daily basis. The pressure was TOO much, but I was not ready to break the news yet, instead I recruited some minions to help me along with my plan.
Introducing for the very first time – ladies and gentlemen, evil conspirators 1 & 2
Mix breed and John Tucker (Indian version!)
It was really nice having JT & MB on my side. Although they constantly condemned me to hell they were quite willing to go along with the plan, add more spice to the situation.
The time to leave for Delhi finally came. I had quite a few students bidding me farewell along with wishing me best of luck!
The week in Delhi was wonderful. Even though I was sick for most of the trip, I got to spend some quality time at home and meet the family. The week ended of fantastically with Blondie flying back with me for a week in Kodai. But more about that later.
But along with the fun in Delhi, I had to constantly battle off calls from students asking me
~What he was like, was he good looking etc etc
I finally got back to Kodai with Blondie in tow along with ‘my engagement ring’ My first night back I was hanging out with the guys and had to go on and on about the ‘engagement’. Again MB & JT came to the rescue convincing the others about the ring etc.
So the day finally came and I was ready to break the news. I arrived in Bartlett and was chilling with the boys, when my phone rang. I pick up the phone expecting to just have a normal conversation with my dad. When he breaks the news!
The guy I got engaged to – ran away with his ex pregnant girlfriend.
Life comes to a standstill.
Tears form in my eyes
And the boys look worried.
Poor ol B. He is the first one I break the news too. He being the sweetheart that he is gives me the biggest hug ever and tells me I deserve so much better.
The joke does not seem that funny now! But its too late now, I have to go through this now. I walk back into the room and the others ask what happened, since I am too ‘shocked’ to respond B takes over – telling the others about the break.
There is some doubt, but B does all the work convincing them. (Little did he know, how badly he was being fooled)
MB & JT console me, while quietly telling me to hurry up.
I finally look at the boys and tell them that the worst part was that I really liked the guy!
A few curses and threats to kill the guy follow.
I then tell them at least one good thing came out of this whole thing!
.
.
.
I deadpan it and say “But I managed to fool all you guys!!” laughter follows through.
We knew the break up was a joke says some one.
With the glint in my eye I go “ah yes, but did you know that the whole engagement was a joke!”
The expression was priceless!!!
MB & JT step in to show the others the message I sent them telling them about the joke.
Complete shocks follows. I sit back and laugh.
Now that’s how you play a practical joke.
Telling someone your engaged when your not – evil
Keeping it up for over 3 weeks – double evil
Buying a fake engagement ring – cruel
Seeing their faces when you break the news - PRICELESS
Thursday, January 01, 2009
Why you so fat?
So I decided to cut my hair super short. Tried out a new hair dresser. For all the Indians out there, you have probably heard of Habib’s. My folks have been there once, so I thought I would check them out.
Was a bit worried, since I dint have a concrete idea of what I wanted and was not too sure how the guy would cut my hair.
Walked in and there is a guy in super tight pants and an ugly shirt with blue hair. You that was my hair dresser.
Insert gulp here!
Me: Hi I am Shreez, I have an appointment
Hair dresser: You are shreez? Why you so fat!
M: Excuse me ???
HD: haan haan ok, so I will cut your hair, chotu go wash her hair
M: uumm but…wait..what…
Get dragged off to get my hair washed. Still quite flabbergasted by his comment.
I did manage to message close friends, basically shitting my self because I have a feeling this is not going to work out!
The replies I got were hilarious
~what a jerk, ask him what happened to his balls~
~tell him to F off, and keep his comments to him self~
~hysterical laughter~
Anyway I make my way to the chair and he says “so darling kya karna hai? (what do you want to do?)”
M: am planning to go super short, but with the front a bit longer
HD: ok ok, but before that tell me what do you do. You see I cut hair according to peoples profession
M: what a load of bull I think
M: I work in an international school, but I want some thing low maintenance, and funky. I like crazy styles.
HD: haan haan, wunderful… I have the perfect cut for you. Come come
He drags me to his pin up board, points and says “this will be perfect!”
Who does he point too… Lady Diana…
No offence to the lady, but hell that is not the funky hairstyle I was looking for.
M: uumm not really what I was looking for… I have had super short hair before and I would like to go back to it
HD: dharling, why do you want to go super short.. that is a summer cut, its winter now. Bob is in.. get that..
M: NO! bob does not suit me.. I have a round face it wont work
HD: arre we will make it work.
At this point of time I am on the verge of tears and was about to walk out.
He sees this and goes
“ok ok, lets look at some thing else.. you see you have a very nice centre part of the face.. the rest, could do with some work…
Remind me again – what the HELL am I doing here???
HD: dharling, its time you get out of your tom boy phase… dress like a girl, act like a girl.. your no longer a small baby… you are a grown woman!”
Now this would be the time I open my mouth and tell him exactly what I think, but I just end up saying it to my self
“how the hell do you know what I am or what I do. You have not met me before and you try to classify me. Just cut my damn hair and let me get out!”
One stony stare from him, shuts his trap and we finally get back to the chair and he begins to cut.
My blood pressure rises, my heart runs at a mile a minute and I am praying to god that I don’t have to shave my head before Christmas.
He does a half way decent job but styles it with curls and I look like an actress from the 90’s in a Hindi movie.
Chick from Kuch Kuch Hota Hai
At this point of time a few tears managed to escape and I am biting my lip to stop my self from freaking out.
I know slightly dramatic, but seriously it was a few days before Christmas and I looked ridiculous.
No wise cracks about and what’s so new about that thank you very much dear reader!
I ended up wetting my hair again and styling it my self, while he looked on. Stylist my foot!
Anyway so that was my experience at Habib’s.
My opinion – not worth going there.
My major issue with him was that he dint cut hair according to the person but more like he knows these cuts and that what he is going to do.
I leave the place, while frantically calling IG and Hoops to tell them about the drama!
Was a bit worried, since I dint have a concrete idea of what I wanted and was not too sure how the guy would cut my hair.
Walked in and there is a guy in super tight pants and an ugly shirt with blue hair. You that was my hair dresser.
Insert gulp here!
Me: Hi I am Shreez, I have an appointment
Hair dresser: You are shreez? Why you so fat!
M: Excuse me ???
HD: haan haan ok, so I will cut your hair, chotu go wash her hair
M: uumm but…wait..what…
Get dragged off to get my hair washed. Still quite flabbergasted by his comment.
I did manage to message close friends, basically shitting my self because I have a feeling this is not going to work out!
The replies I got were hilarious
~what a jerk, ask him what happened to his balls~
~tell him to F off, and keep his comments to him self~
~hysterical laughter~
Anyway I make my way to the chair and he says “so darling kya karna hai? (what do you want to do?)”
M: am planning to go super short, but with the front a bit longer
HD: ok ok, but before that tell me what do you do. You see I cut hair according to peoples profession
M: what a load of bull I think
M: I work in an international school, but I want some thing low maintenance, and funky. I like crazy styles.
HD: haan haan, wunderful… I have the perfect cut for you. Come come
He drags me to his pin up board, points and says “this will be perfect!”
Who does he point too… Lady Diana…
No offence to the lady, but hell that is not the funky hairstyle I was looking for.
M: uumm not really what I was looking for… I have had super short hair before and I would like to go back to it
HD: dharling, why do you want to go super short.. that is a summer cut, its winter now. Bob is in.. get that..
M: NO! bob does not suit me.. I have a round face it wont work
HD: arre we will make it work.
At this point of time I am on the verge of tears and was about to walk out.
He sees this and goes
“ok ok, lets look at some thing else.. you see you have a very nice centre part of the face.. the rest, could do with some work…
Remind me again – what the HELL am I doing here???
HD: dharling, its time you get out of your tom boy phase… dress like a girl, act like a girl.. your no longer a small baby… you are a grown woman!”
Now this would be the time I open my mouth and tell him exactly what I think, but I just end up saying it to my self
“how the hell do you know what I am or what I do. You have not met me before and you try to classify me. Just cut my damn hair and let me get out!”
One stony stare from him, shuts his trap and we finally get back to the chair and he begins to cut.
My blood pressure rises, my heart runs at a mile a minute and I am praying to god that I don’t have to shave my head before Christmas.
He does a half way decent job but styles it with curls and I look like an actress from the 90’s in a Hindi movie.
Chick from Kuch Kuch Hota Hai
At this point of time a few tears managed to escape and I am biting my lip to stop my self from freaking out.
I know slightly dramatic, but seriously it was a few days before Christmas and I looked ridiculous.
No wise cracks about and what’s so new about that thank you very much dear reader!
I ended up wetting my hair again and styling it my self, while he looked on. Stylist my foot!
Anyway so that was my experience at Habib’s.
My opinion – not worth going there.
My major issue with him was that he dint cut hair according to the person but more like he knows these cuts and that what he is going to do.
I leave the place, while frantically calling IG and Hoops to tell them about the drama!
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Quick as a wink
I know I know, it has been AGES!!!
Last night a few of us went to the new TC in VV. Quite nice, dint have the old TC charm but yeah... bartenders were good..extremely good, looking at our states today!
Good retro music, some dancing, good friends, good fun...
Went to varanasi for a few days with aussie girl, YP, W and some other friends. It was really nice..
Yes you heard me right, 8 people in one auto. We took the backrest out, and two girls sat facing the other direction, the other 3 girls sat on the seat. W, me and the driver shared the front seat.
I apologize profusely.. so much has been happening and I keep starting a post and then delete it because I am not happy with it.
So enough, today I finish one of the many posts, before I head for a well needed nap!
Am in Delhi right now and with the christmas madness finally over, now begins my vacation. The first 10 days in delhi was spent making cheese biscuits, kul kuls, fudge and all the other christmas goodies.
As Wiggles puts it "jeez shreez you stink of fudge"
Anyhoo christmas was lovely. Small affair this time, with just the family. Wiggles spent christmas with us. Very nice :)
Its so easy when you have people who are so easy and laid back, hit it off with all my friends so that was nice.
Last night a few of us went to the new TC in VV. Quite nice, dint have the old TC charm but yeah... bartenders were good..extremely good, looking at our states today!
Good retro music, some dancing, good friends, good fun...
got home at 2 am and was up early to take W to the airport.
talking about the airport imagine this is you please... Me standing infront of the departure gate, in trackies, oversized sweatshirt, uncombed hair, glasses and fluffy gorilla slippers...
DO YOU KNOW THE NUMBER OF DOUBLE TAKES I GOT!!!!
only me... and the best part, this was the third time I was doing it. Went to the airport twice yesterday the same way.
Off to see Ghajini today...seems like an interesting movie.. need to find a copy with english subtitles..
Went to varanasi for a few days with aussie girl, YP, W and some other friends. It was really nice..
W had to do an interview on the leprosy colony and I was the official translater. Yeah yeah dont choke on your drink. I did the job perfectly fine thank you very much.
More on that in another post.
The funniest part of the trip... 8 people in one auto, singing christmas carols on the top of our voices and having the cops stare at us..
Yes you heard me right, 8 people in one auto. We took the backrest out, and two girls sat facing the other direction, the other 3 girls sat on the seat. W, me and the driver shared the front seat. As Pappu our driver said - one on the left and the other on the right
I hung on for dear life and spent the entire trip propping my self up.
This was the case for the 2 days we were there and the average time for our journeys were 40 minutes.
Ok so thats a pretty decent post on the past few days. I now bid farewell, my pillow beckons me.
PS - have cut my hair super short.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Done it, said it, noted, quoted
So I have a major presentation due at the end of the week but as you can see I am being quite good at procrastinating. So let’s get on with what’s been happening in my life!
Trampolines
Now you’ll probably know about my previous trampoline incident. Well I went on it with dreads and spent most of the time on my butt laughing while he kept jumping up and down and I rolled from side to side.
Well come on give me a break it was my first time on the trampoline!
Carnival 2008 saw me on the trampoline again. This time with Ficus. I was on my feet longer that the previous time but majority of the time spent was on my butt. I was laughing my head off at my ridiculous efforts at the trampoline and so was everybody else!
My legs did not cooperate with me like they do most of the time. And I did a couple of interesting falls. You know what the sad part is, I do the exact same falls while walking on solid ground! Remember the 3Bs
So that was fun!
Sick days
Woke up on Friday morning feeling absolutely horrible. I called in sick and went back to bed. Spent most of the day in bed fighting a fever and body ache. Finally got around to going to the doctor on Saturday (see told you I was a procrastinator) and found out that I have infected tonsils and that is what is causing the low grade fever, body ache etc.
You miss home and family tremendously when you are sick. When I went to the clinic on Saturday and while I was getting my temperature taken and telling the nurse what’s wrong, I just broke down into tears. Don’t know why, I was not that sick. But I just felt like crap and all I wanted was my mom to feel my forehead, kiss me on the cheek and tell me to go to bed.
I miss home!
New hobby
In the words of my teacher (aka hiccups) “oh no I created a monster”
So I have picked up a new hobby, crocheting and I have been on quite the roll. Have already done 6 beanies, 1 scarf, 1 slipper (am working on the other one now) and future projects include mittens.
Yes I am quite obsessed with it. The fact that H put an album up on facebook and in every picture there is me in the background crocheting.
So guess what your getting for Christmas!
Injuries
None so far for this week, well apart from the muscles in my gluteus maximus which are complaining after my disastrous attempt on the trampoline. However I did play an entire game of Frisbee without falling. Now that’s an achievement.
Books
The Other Boylen Girl – good history / fiction. Worth a read
You are here – quick read, not what I was expecting
My sisters keeper – have just started this one. Is it morally correct to do whatever it takes to save a child's life… even if that means infringing upon the rights of another?
Movies
Elizabethtown – all is can say is Orlando Bloom – glazed eyes..drool….yummy. Ok now that I am done with that, it’s a cute movie. Good cast, decent story line. Worth watching.
Fools gold – Mathew McConaughey – glazed eyes…drool..yummy.. another nice movie. Involves scuba diving, treasure hunting, ships and sex in the church. Worth a watch!
Sound of music – so I have never watched this movie before (yeah I know I suck!) finally got to watch this one. Love it. We all sang along and ate quesadillas. Good Sunday evening!
Other movies watched include – little mermaid, mean girls and other random stuff on TV.
Music
Got loads of new stuff from Aussie Girl and wiggles. On the top of my list for the week
Are you going to be my girl – Jet
Disturbia – Rhianna
Your so vain – Carly Simon
Thunderstruck – AC/DC
Have a nice day – Bon Jovi
Free Fallin – Tom Petty
FYI - my presentation is done !
Trampolines
Now you’ll probably know about my previous trampoline incident. Well I went on it with dreads and spent most of the time on my butt laughing while he kept jumping up and down and I rolled from side to side.
Well come on give me a break it was my first time on the trampoline!
Carnival 2008 saw me on the trampoline again. This time with Ficus. I was on my feet longer that the previous time but majority of the time spent was on my butt. I was laughing my head off at my ridiculous efforts at the trampoline and so was everybody else!
My legs did not cooperate with me like they do most of the time. And I did a couple of interesting falls. You know what the sad part is, I do the exact same falls while walking on solid ground! Remember the 3Bs
So that was fun!
Sick days
Woke up on Friday morning feeling absolutely horrible. I called in sick and went back to bed. Spent most of the day in bed fighting a fever and body ache. Finally got around to going to the doctor on Saturday (see told you I was a procrastinator) and found out that I have infected tonsils and that is what is causing the low grade fever, body ache etc.
You miss home and family tremendously when you are sick. When I went to the clinic on Saturday and while I was getting my temperature taken and telling the nurse what’s wrong, I just broke down into tears. Don’t know why, I was not that sick. But I just felt like crap and all I wanted was my mom to feel my forehead, kiss me on the cheek and tell me to go to bed.
I miss home!
New hobby
In the words of my teacher (aka hiccups) “oh no I created a monster”
So I have picked up a new hobby, crocheting and I have been on quite the roll. Have already done 6 beanies, 1 scarf, 1 slipper (am working on the other one now) and future projects include mittens.
Yes I am quite obsessed with it. The fact that H put an album up on facebook and in every picture there is me in the background crocheting.
So guess what your getting for Christmas!
Injuries
None so far for this week, well apart from the muscles in my gluteus maximus which are complaining after my disastrous attempt on the trampoline. However I did play an entire game of Frisbee without falling. Now that’s an achievement.
Books
The Other Boylen Girl – good history / fiction. Worth a read
You are here – quick read, not what I was expecting
My sisters keeper – have just started this one. Is it morally correct to do whatever it takes to save a child's life… even if that means infringing upon the rights of another?
Movies
Elizabethtown – all is can say is Orlando Bloom – glazed eyes..drool….yummy. Ok now that I am done with that, it’s a cute movie. Good cast, decent story line. Worth watching.
Fools gold – Mathew McConaughey – glazed eyes…drool..yummy.. another nice movie. Involves scuba diving, treasure hunting, ships and sex in the church. Worth a watch!
Sound of music – so I have never watched this movie before (yeah I know I suck!) finally got to watch this one. Love it. We all sang along and ate quesadillas. Good Sunday evening!
Other movies watched include – little mermaid, mean girls and other random stuff on TV.
Music
Got loads of new stuff from Aussie Girl and wiggles. On the top of my list for the week
Are you going to be my girl – Jet
Disturbia – Rhianna
Your so vain – Carly Simon
Thunderstruck – AC/DC
Have a nice day – Bon Jovi
Free Fallin – Tom Petty
FYI - my presentation is done !
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Now I've seen every thing
So I just have to blog about this. I am sitting in my office when some one from maintenance brings three godrej guys in. I am adamant that we dont have any godrej lockers and did not requite thier servicing facilities.
I was then told that godrej even makes computer chairs. (who would have thunk it!) and they were here to make sure the chairs were in running order.
So in come the three men (well its not a one man job as you can see), while one opens his notebook to note down the condition of the chair, the other is lookout to make sure no danger comes to the guy who is testing out the chair and then finally the man of the hour, the one with the delicate tooshie (you need one of those to test all the chairs out)
So he lowers his bum on my chair, leans back, wiggles a bit to make sure it all in working order and raises the chair and lowers it a number of times and then proclaims that the chair is in great working condition.
They then proceed to do this to the other 7 chairs in my office.
Now I've seen every thing!
Monday, June 30, 2008
10 things to consider before marrying an Indian man
Note: this post is not accurate, highly generalized and just what happens when alabama and I chat till 5am. No offence intended.
1. Your babies will be brown and quite possibly with blue eyes and blonde hair depending on your genealogy
2. You will be a constant point of amusement / frustration / astonishment to his complete family
3. You will be the topic of discussion at every family gossip session “You know Ram's wife no, the white one yes yes I am telling you, these white girls, arre baba” says inquisitive over bearing, over weight aunt from the fathers side while munching on some pakodas
4. All men fart, that we know, but when marrying an Indian man – one needs to deal with Indian farts. Don’t like the smell of curry when its served on the table, imagine it being farted out over the course of the night and not silently I might add!
5. You not only marry him but his whole family (father, mother, cousins, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, grand nieces, grand nephews, first cousins, second cousins, third cousins and random people who are adamant that they are related to you.. even though you are white)
6. Indianisms – “you know only, yes yes”
7. Talking about passionate love making – the Indian man is not into any experimentation. It’s all about the wham bam thank you mam. Ladies self pleasure is some thing you master while being married to an Indian man.
8. He is and always will be a mama’s boy
9. You will be expected to pop out grand children by the dozen and boys will be favoured
and the final point to consider when marrying an Indian man
10. Head wiggle – just imagine after a night of passionate love making, the Indian man looks up at you and goes “ah! Very good, very good” wiggle wiggle (the head I mean, you dirty minded people!)
1. Your babies will be brown and quite possibly with blue eyes and blonde hair depending on your genealogy
2. You will be a constant point of amusement / frustration / astonishment to his complete family
3. You will be the topic of discussion at every family gossip session “You know Ram's wife no, the white one yes yes I am telling you, these white girls, arre baba” says inquisitive over bearing, over weight aunt from the fathers side while munching on some pakodas
4. All men fart, that we know, but when marrying an Indian man – one needs to deal with Indian farts. Don’t like the smell of curry when its served on the table, imagine it being farted out over the course of the night and not silently I might add!
5. You not only marry him but his whole family (father, mother, cousins, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, grand nieces, grand nephews, first cousins, second cousins, third cousins and random people who are adamant that they are related to you.. even though you are white)
6. Indianisms – “you know only, yes yes”
7. Talking about passionate love making – the Indian man is not into any experimentation. It’s all about the wham bam thank you mam. Ladies self pleasure is some thing you master while being married to an Indian man.
8. He is and always will be a mama’s boy
9. You will be expected to pop out grand children by the dozen and boys will be favoured
and the final point to consider when marrying an Indian man
10. Head wiggle – just imagine after a night of passionate love making, the Indian man looks up at you and goes “ah! Very good, very good” wiggle wiggle (the head I mean, you dirty minded people!)
Monday, January 28, 2008
Wax and more!
Before anonymous, told me her story she knew I would love to blog about it. Oh how right she was!
I warn the male specimens who are reading this, you probably want to stop now, since I can guarantee you will be grossed out by the explicit details of a
Wait for it!
A Bikini Wax!
Trust me boys not the sexiest thing to have done to your self, but the after effects, well are so desirable aren’t they J
Its amazing the amount of pain which a woman puts her self through!
Pouring hot wax on ones ‘delicates’ (as A puts it) and then ripping out the hair, seriously girls what are we thinking!
The pain is excruciating, the situation is medley put quite odd and the fact that wax is dripping all around – uumm yeah not really the best thing to be discussing on a public forum!
I asked A how bad the pain was – she said well now I know what you went thru when you got a tattoo – ouch!
The funny part was that half way thrugh this painful and very weird experience she busrt out laughting.
“Shreez I was in so much pain that’s the only dam thing I could do” says A
Any way I guess its some thing every girl needs to go thru. I hope the men appreciate it!
Just too end off, I was reading an article in the Cosmo some time back about bikini waxes and the ladies who do it were dishing out all the dirt and one beautician said that a chick got turned on while getting one done and she (the beautician) had to hand her a couple of tissues and leave the room for a bit!
Talk about embarrassing. See now that’s one job I do not want ~ ever!
Talking about things one reads in the Cosmo – one issue had an article on sex related ER antidotes.
For example – a woman thought it would be funny to stuff a tennis ball up her man’s rear end. Long story cut short, it got stuck and needed to be removed surgically. While waiting in the ER for the surgeon, the guy started coughing real bad and out popped the ball, bouncing off the wall and hit the surgeon in the face.
You know one should feel sorry for the poor guy, but that is hilarious!
Yesh this is quite a random blog post, but have been pestered by many to get back to writing, so hopefully this shall be the start of many more to come!
I warn the male specimens who are reading this, you probably want to stop now, since I can guarantee you will be grossed out by the explicit details of a
Wait for it!
A Bikini Wax!
Trust me boys not the sexiest thing to have done to your self, but the after effects, well are so desirable aren’t they J
Its amazing the amount of pain which a woman puts her self through!
Pouring hot wax on ones ‘delicates’ (as A puts it) and then ripping out the hair, seriously girls what are we thinking!
The pain is excruciating, the situation is medley put quite odd and the fact that wax is dripping all around – uumm yeah not really the best thing to be discussing on a public forum!
I asked A how bad the pain was – she said well now I know what you went thru when you got a tattoo – ouch!
The funny part was that half way thrugh this painful and very weird experience she busrt out laughting.
“Shreez I was in so much pain that’s the only dam thing I could do” says A
Any way I guess its some thing every girl needs to go thru. I hope the men appreciate it!
Just too end off, I was reading an article in the Cosmo some time back about bikini waxes and the ladies who do it were dishing out all the dirt and one beautician said that a chick got turned on while getting one done and she (the beautician) had to hand her a couple of tissues and leave the room for a bit!
Talk about embarrassing. See now that’s one job I do not want ~ ever!
Talking about things one reads in the Cosmo – one issue had an article on sex related ER antidotes.
For example – a woman thought it would be funny to stuff a tennis ball up her man’s rear end. Long story cut short, it got stuck and needed to be removed surgically. While waiting in the ER for the surgeon, the guy started coughing real bad and out popped the ball, bouncing off the wall and hit the surgeon in the face.
You know one should feel sorry for the poor guy, but that is hilarious!
Yesh this is quite a random blog post, but have been pestered by many to get back to writing, so hopefully this shall be the start of many more to come!
Friday, September 28, 2007
Only me !
I was in London over the summer and went to the Cadbury Chocolate Factory... (Loved it)
Free chocolate been given out, along with the smells - it was girl heaven.
Glazed look, drool ... mmmmm
Ok wait.. coming back to the point of the post...
While I was on the tour, I started chatting with this bloke, who was kinda cute and reminded me of one of the Wayne brothers. Funny guy and enjoyed chatting to him. He was then joined by another friend of his. Who was kinda obnoxious and as much as I love the British accent (which I do very much) his was not on my list of likes. He was the typical innt it boys...
The "innt it" boys and girls for that fact are the indians/pakistanis/sri lankan/ other brown people (as my very much white friend stated). These kids (any one below the age of 30) who are trying so hard to be British and getting very lost and confused in the way. And now have formed their own culture in the British world.
And there favorite line is "innt it". Every sentence, question, response, curse and compliment ends with innt it'. What they are trying to say is "Isn’t it?"
Difficult to explain how they say it exactly but the words all jumble into one to be pronounced as "innit"
But yup, that’s the 'Aint it" boys and girls...
‘We go to the pub innt it?"
"She's a bitch iint it"
"I’m coming iint it"
Coming back to the point of the boys I met at the factory. The other guy lets call him 'Y' was monopolizing the conversation and insisted I must be American because I don’t sound like an Indian.
This is what really bugs me, the fact that people just don’t believe that Indians can be quite articulate and speak better queens English, than the dam queen!
Off the point again.. any hoo.. we I finally managed to tell him that I was from India.. he with great amount of authority began to tell me, that i should never fly quatar airways. Really crappy service and no safely regulations etc.
To which I pointedly responded
"I actually flew Qatar ways"
Y turns red
"and my brother works for Qatar"
Y now completely red
"And I have done quite a bit of traveling and compared to most airlines, I was most impressed. The staff has an international blend, polite, and respect the customer. The flight was exceptional, the food delicious and the air craft clean and impeccable"
Y finally shuts up
Cute boy asks for my number, I give it to him, thinking there is absolutely no way, he is going to be calling me India so no harm.
Guess who called at 10:52 am on the 28 of Sept 2007...
.
.
.
.
Y
Can you believe it... he actually called me from the UK. Why do you ask? I don’t know... well he called to congratulate me for India's win over Pakistan. Weirdo!
Any way its 6 am in the UK and he calls me to congratulate me, after a week of the game...
I don’t get it...
I really know how to attract them don’t I.
* Talking about cricket read IG's posts.. well articulated http://chewinghercud.blogspot.com/
Thursday, September 27, 2007
No hay ningunas preguntas estúpidas, la gente sólo estúpida.
IG has been teaching Spanish for some time now, and to put it midly her students are quite interesting. Being young and beautiful, she has to deal with swooning boys and maintain the teacher student relationship. But this by far his her best reponse ever.
Scene 1: IG and student (S) after class.
S smiling shyly and blushing
"I saw you in my dream on Monday. we were talking in Spanish. I said something to you really fast" (S smiles more and turns to cherry red)
"i am sorry i cant repeat or tell you what it was that i said to you" !!
IG thinks: He either swore at me and used profanity or said something romantic/sexual which was insanely inappropriate.
Donning a teacher like attitude she replies
"Well i hope your sentences were grammatically correct" !
Ouch~! I love IG's wit in situations like these... talking about her 'interesting students'
She does have quite a cocky one in her class. In her words he is quite cheeky, to mellow for my wrting style so cocky shall have to do!
Scene 2:
IG teaching different verbs and usage in class. Cocky student (CS) being cocky.
IG: Thus there are different verbs for 'the weather is hot' and 'the water is hot'
CS: How would you say 'wow, this woman is really hot!'
Shreez: dude this aint an advertisment for set wet style (very very sexy) Lines like that dont work in the real world!
IG: puros is for cigars and cigarrillos is for cigarettes
CS: What is Spanish for bidis?
Shreez: with cuban cigars around you want to smoke bidis.. arre ghaati!
IG: "Desnudarse" meant to "undress" Its a reflexive verb and are only used for action done on self.
CS: What do you say when you are taking someone else's clothes off!!!
Shreez: first of all, why is a Spanish book talking about undressing.. very interesting this Spanish language is I must say. But yeah, down boy.. cold shower for you now!
Scene 1: IG and student (S) after class.
S smiling shyly and blushing
"I saw you in my dream on Monday. we were talking in Spanish. I said something to you really fast" (S smiles more and turns to cherry red)
"i am sorry i cant repeat or tell you what it was that i said to you" !!
IG thinks: He either swore at me and used profanity or said something romantic/sexual which was insanely inappropriate.
Donning a teacher like attitude she replies
"Well i hope your sentences were grammatically correct" !
Ouch~! I love IG's wit in situations like these... talking about her 'interesting students'
She does have quite a cocky one in her class. In her words he is quite cheeky, to mellow for my wrting style so cocky shall have to do!
Scene 2:
IG teaching different verbs and usage in class. Cocky student (CS) being cocky.
IG: Thus there are different verbs for 'the weather is hot' and 'the water is hot'
CS: How would you say 'wow, this woman is really hot!'
Shreez: dude this aint an advertisment for set wet style (very very sexy) Lines like that dont work in the real world!
IG: puros is for cigars and cigarrillos is for cigarettes
CS: What is Spanish for bidis?
Shreez: with cuban cigars around you want to smoke bidis.. arre ghaati!
IG: "Desnudarse" meant to "undress" Its a reflexive verb and are only used for action done on self.
CS: What do you say when you are taking someone else's clothes off!!!
Shreez: first of all, why is a Spanish book talking about undressing.. very interesting this Spanish language is I must say. But yeah, down boy.. cold shower for you now!
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