Hands

Yesterday they were her hands
Today they are mine

You held her hand, you held my hand
But thats where the similarity ends

Your hand intertwined with hers
Our hands just rested together

Like pieces in a puzzle
Fitted together, because they have too

Even the slightest pressure from your finger tips
Would tell me so much

Wish we held hands
Like, lovers not willing to let go

Your hand engulfing mine
Protecting me, loving me

And as our hands touched
I felt your imprint on my soul

Do you feel the same way?
Do you realize what you do to me?

I guess not
While you held my hand
you merged with hers.

How time flies…

I am back in Kodai… completely exhausted but glad to be back in Kodai. Chidambaram is not really my place for a hang out…
But talk about the fun filled 13 days in Chidambaram will come to you in another post… for now the topic is time…

How time flies…. I say that a lot and it got me thinking…. That time does fly
(very profound.. give me a break I just got off a 10 hour bus journey and am straight into work)

It is 11:43 am (17 September 2007) – and I am at work and working on my blog J

Yesterday at this very time I was finishing off my practical exam for my masters program and was dam excited that I never had to come back to Chidambaram ever again

Last week at this very moment, I was sitting in theory class… I was sitting in Alexander’s class listening to him state that women are where they are because men allow them to be there
(different post to completely refute that!)
Two weeks before that, I was sitting in Satsanga, reading Shantaram (a must read) drinking a glass of chilled beer and eating Takasi (which is feta cheese, herbs etc made into a paste and served with freshly toasted garlic bread.. mmm)
Three weeks ago, I don’t remember exactly what I was doing… but probably in office… drinking some kick ass organic brewed coffee, listening to music and working on MSA documents
(Word can drive me crazy with its stupid formatting)

A month ago, I was sitting with a hot water bottle in excruciating pain, after injuring my back and not letting it heal…
(I can never say no to a game of volleyball...!)
Two months ago, I was dorm parent for a couple of days and taking care of a sick friend… nurse shreez to the rescue.
Three months ago, I was in London.. living it up
Four months ago, I was teary eyed at the fact they were graduating and I would not have them knocking at my door

A year ago, I was just starting my contract in Kodai. learning – that things would never be the same again.
Two years ago – I was in Hyderabad. Wondering what I was doing with my life. Was in love (or at least some thing I thought was love)
Three years ago, I was still in college. Sitting in class… listening intently if it was organizational behavior class.. else passing random notes hyper and IG
Four years ago, I was still in college – but life was all about @, Was thinking, which appointments I needed to make and how to get the numbers for my department.
Five years ago, I just joined college. I was at NLDS… no voice, no sleep, lots of dancing – extremely kicked.
Ten years ago, I joined a new school. Was the quiet wall flower (was is the operative word). Dying in the humid weather, with the horrible pink and white stripped uniform. (yuck!)
Fifteen years ago, I was in grade 2. Would have been having break time now, eating jam and cheese sandwiches. (I miss break time)
Twenty years ago, I would have been 2 and half years old. (extremely adorable and cute, like I still aren’t). Talking non stop, and making people say “What an adorable little girl”

I was
Daddy’s ‘precious’
Mama’s little girl
Bhaiya’s – bratty little sister
One grandmothers – favorite (she never said it, but I knew it)
Another grandmothers – least favorite grandchild (she said it, over and over again)
Aunt & Uncle’s – favorite niece

I am
Daddy’s ‘precious’
Mama’s little girl, who’s growing up
Bhaiya’s – confidant & friend
Grandmother’s – favorite (both of them)
Aunt & Uncle’s – I don’t know where I stand

How time flies…!

IM 2

me: hey english question, trying to figure out the word.. its on the tip of my tounge but cant rem it sentence is "every word ---- in my soul"
now the word coming to mind is vibrates. but thats not it... its some thing liek that
do u have ne idea what i am talking about ?
IG: :) NONE AT ALL!
me: rebirvaretes. i knwo thats not a word but it sounds like that. dang it
IG: revebrates?
me: thats it thats it
wat does it mean
IG: it means echoes repeatly like a vibration but tis very powerful
me: yes yes. oh ur r great
IG: reverberates
IG: new poem/ post?
me: post / peom. was suppose to be a poem.. is being converted into a post now
n u can imagine who it is about (this is the post)
IG: yes. i can :)
me: this man drives me insane
seriosuly... its horiible
IG: its not horrible.... its wonderful
me: it is wonderful...the thing is he barely ackowledges my exitence. He smells so good.
me: seriosuly i am becoming complusive what ever
shoot me before i become obbsessive
IG :)... obsession is a necessary element for love
me: well sniffing a man's jacket is not !
IG: well, if it smells good then ..why not?!

Note: Yes my english, some times is not the best. As IG says
Shreez, i know you write well (even though it doesnt go well with your usually notvery eloquent self ) but this is absolutely wonderful. you have out done

And yes I am a hopeless romantic !

The life an trials of Instant Messanger

Introduction:
All random conversations taking place on various IM's.

IM 1

me: i know i know... i am sick of it. Seriosuly i am sick of being sinlge
Papa Romero: arre enjoy life single man
ahh welll.. grass green .. blh blah
me: screw u
well acutally u r getting screwed... so maybe it shud be screw me
PR: hahaha as u wish
but i aint gettin any action man
and now i cant go huntin too
me: yeah rite.... atleast u've got some action.. i need to find my self a young cabana boy .. to make ugly with
PR: hahaha
no mountain boys u fancy yet
me: i really dont want to hear the throes of passion being screamed out in tamil thank
th you very much
PR: ayoooo
me: thanks thats all i need

Unrequited Love

Every smile of yours makes me smile
Every touch of yours sends shivers down my spine
Every word of yours reverberates in my soul

The song comes to an end. The guitar strings strummed one last time. You open your eyes, look up and smile. My heart skips a beat. You stare right at me, just seeing you is enough for me. That smile makes my day. A picture of you is all I need. It’s the fix I crave.

I look at my favorite picture. Your smiling brightly into the camera, you are smiling right at me.

Snap back into reality.
You finished your piece. Your tentative smile turning into a bigger grin. You walk towards me. I absorb the image that is coming towards me. Your sculptured body, your strong hands, your broad shoulders. Those eyes, the window to your soul.

You come closer and closer, I anticipate your touch, your arms around me. Your just there, two more steps. But wait, you keep walking. Your shoulder brushing against mine. A quick sorry and your walk away. I turn around to see you hug her. Your arms wrapped around her waist. You pick her up and twirl her around.

The lump in my throat gets bigger; my heart begins a downward spiral into pain. There is goes again. Unrequited love, broken hearts, hidden desires.

Why can’t I just tell you? I am going to tell you. Hesitantly I come forward. Your back is towards me, even the sight of you neck, sends shivers down my spine.
I blurt it out "I love you" You turn around with surprise written all over your face.

My voice struggles to stay strong
"I love you, okay I do. Every thing about you I love. I am the one you should be with. I am the one who is willing to give up every thing for you.

Let me be the shoulder you lean on. Let my hand be the one you hold. I don’t claim to know you completely, but I want to spend the rest of my life, learning about you.

I want to know what keeps you up in the night, I want to support you in your dream. The mere scent of you sends me into a place of utmost bliss.

You've seen my cry.
You've seen me laugh.
Now see me for the one who loves you, who will always love you"

"You ok?" he says, snapping me back into reality, I am staring right at you. Your arms are still around her. It takes me a moment to realize that it was a dream. My heartfelt confession was all in my mind. I swallow hard and reply "Yup all good?"

A smile and a curtsey nod and you turn around fingers intertwined with hers you leave.
And just as you turn the corner, my heart begins to weep. I try to grasp my breath but the tears don’t give me a chance.

"Why?" I scream.

"What have I ever done to deserve this? You give me love to share. Yet you give me no one to share it with.
What kind of game is this?
How many times am I to love some one I cannot get?
How many times must I smile when he walks way with her?

It’s not just him, what about the first. Just when I get over him you bring in second. Third time lucky! I think not!

You can’t tell me not to care. You can’t say just forget about him. It’s not that easy. You gave me this love, then why don’t you take it way. No you want me to deal with it.

One person, that’s all I ask.
Some one to love, some one to take care of.
Some one to protect, some one who will protect.
Who'll understand me? Who knows when I just need to be held?

Is it that tough? Or is it easier just to show me what I cannot get.
I don’t know what to do. I give up. I give up on love"

And as I stare at my reflection in the mirror, I have no answers.
But I still have unrequited love.

Every smile of yours makes me smile
Every touch of yours sends shivers down my spine
Every word of yours reverberates in my soul
Yet you dont know
You'll never know

Madly in love

When chatting with Pilot yesterday, he spoke about this article he had read in the National Geographic. Tried to read it online, but the whole article is not available. Any way this is pretty much the gist of it.

According to Helen Fisher, an anthropologist - she says that being in love has the same chemical reactions or processes as having obsessive compulsive disorder.
Now before you jump on to my head, let me just tell you what she said.
According to research when you’re in 'love' chemical messengers such as dopamine are release. And this chemical in the right proportions, provokes intense energy, focused attention, recklessness and exhilaration. All associated with being in love.

Also stated that, if you do reckless or adventurous thing son your first date, you are more likely to stay together of the high release of dopamine.

When you are in love, the high levels of dopamine are also accompanied by low levels of serotonin. They measured 7 people who were in love or in the beginning exciting phase of their relationships, showed them a neutral picture and then picture of the one they loved and measured the chemical activity.
They then went to a psychiatric ward and measured the chemical activity of OCD patients and found that the levels were similar.
So basically you have the same chemicals running through you when your in love or you have OCD (extreme cases)

The other interesting fact was that, as the relationship progresses, the brain begins to deal with the high levels of dopamine and the neurons get desensitized. In long term relationships the level of serotonin increases and it is a hormone that promotes feelings of connection and bonding.

Researchers also state that the major histocompatibility complex (MHC)—influences women's attraction to men's body odors. Women are most attracted to men whose MHC genes were very different from her own. Basically woman are attracted to opposite body odours.

This reminds me of the poem
What are little boys made of?
Snips and snails, and puppy dogs tails
That's what little boys are made of !
What are little girls made of?
Sugar and spice and all things nice
That's what little girls are made of!

I really find it hard to believe that, body odour is what we woman are attracted too. Smelly men... I think not. But then thinking about it - there is nothing more sexier than a man who is hot and sweaty after a work out (ah KH !) Any way I am going off the topic. Really don’t know the whole odour issue thing, but the fact that chemical reactions of being in love is the same as extreme cases of OCD - puts a twist to being Madly in Love

Excruciating - extremely painful and the other random happenings of my life!

Well, previous post turned out to be quite compact in it self, I decided to give it, its 15 min of fame and write a new post for the other happenings in my life.

I was finally beginning to believe that maybe I am not as catastrophe prone as I claimed to be. I made it through three weeks of volleyball and ultimate frisbee with out any injuries.
Yay for me
(uuum not!)
Tuesday was playing volleyball... senior team against staff.. we trashed them! And I actually had some thing to do with it, for winning I mean. Game two score 12 - 5 advantage staff.

Shreez comes to serve and keeps serving till score is 22 - 5 advantage staff..
Go Shreez, Go Shreez, your on fire !!!

So yeah, yay to me! Any way between games, got hit in the face with a volleyball thanks to
Big B. (he's on my team! come on, stop hitting me!)
Any way, finished that game and then went for staff volleyball and Big B decides to spike and brilliant moi decides to get it - SMACK right in face - again!

Oh but wait, thats not all - some how managed to pull a nerve or sprain a muscle in my lowe vertabrae (dont really know) apart from the fact that I am in excruciaing pain!

Whoo pa dee do da!
Murphy - what do you have against me.

Any way, having Wednesday off was a nice mid week break, had some people over for a couple of drinks. Have not done that in ages.
Problem with residential schools, is that you end up following the rules set for students unintentionally.
Nice to spend some time with adults, have a couple of drinks and chill..
Big B, Professor, PP, Rachel and Pilot came over...
Finally opened the bottle of wine, which has been staring and me!
Discussions were pretty random.
Guys are stupid - girls are stupid - basically the human race is mindless wits (when it comes to love)

Again the whole men's obsession with woman and woman action
Me - seriously I don’t understand, men’s obsession with this woman on woman thing..
Pilot - dude, its two woman its (glazed look, drool - imagination running wild)
Me - I don’t get it
P - see we like woman, so there for two woman - double the liking
Me - we like men, but we don’t see them together!
P - point .. and we don’t like men so ...
Me - what do you mean so? we don’t like women and we don’t imagine it either
P - point
Me - uumm so what’s the point of the discussion
P - I don’t know, but woman on woman (glazed look, drool... etc )

Uurgh! any views any one?

Wednesday night - played poker! I actually like the game. Big B, Pilot and me. Pretty simple to understand, a lot on luck and since we were playing for rajma, dint really mind betting that much. Won twice (yay me!)
Its called Texas 5 star some thing (blame it on the pain killers et all)
Ended up chatting with Pilot till half past one, about quite a range of topics...which for the life of me can’t think of a single one worth writing about!

aanny way ! bro called yesterday, Looks like he was having a blast in Sri Lanka. We are closer now, too personal to mention, but just lets say I am no longer the bratty big mouth little sister he loved to hate!

Well that’s all from me with all my excruciating pain
Ciao

6 am you say?

Well what to say about the past few days.... hhhhhmmmm
With most people away for a few days, I was pretty much my self, which is a good thing I think, time to think.. will come back to the thinking aspect in a different blog, too deep and yeah, some other time.

Friday night - sat at home, watched stupid shows on TV like - Hannah Montanna (Billy Ray Cyrus and daughter star in it), spoke to IG and slept...

Saturday went to a hike. Now why would any one in their right mind want to wake up at 6 am on Saturday morning to chaperone a group of 20 whining middle schoolers.

Cos when you reach the peak and you sit down to look at the view, none of the cribbing really affects you.
The raw beauty makes it worth it. I usually stay at the back to wind up all the stragglers, which I don’t mind, don’t need to make any small talk with people, and usually day dream my way through the hike.

One thing I did notice, when you are doing a pretty steep stretch, every one shuts up and all you hear is the rhythmic sound of foot steps, thumping on the ground... n it syncs with the increased heart rate and that point of time your mind begins to pick up sounds.

The beetles 15 yards away
The birds flying high in the sky
The deep breaths you take
The crunching of twigs beneath your feet
The wind
The sun
The traffic 5 km away - the sound of honking cars, filtering through the forest reminding you, that civilization awaits.

Civilization awaits and life is calling you back

Unrequited love

Dedicated:
To those who have loved
Loved some one so much, but never had the courage to say any thing
Loved some one so much, but willing to give them up to see them happy
Loved some one so much, but have never been loved back
To all the unrequited love

For once I want to be protected
For once I want to be loved
Feeling your strength I know you’ll protect
Watching you I know you’ll love
But I guess I can never tell you
For the fear of losing you is too great
And even though I think it’s unfair
As much as I want you
As much as I think I need you
I know it’s not meant to be
Another life another time
Just maybe

Lazy - resistant to work or exertion, disposed to idleness

IG and I were havinng one of our random conversations, revolving around the hotness of KH, the basic stupidity of people in general and what should I be called in her blog - we finally settled on PCB wanna be!

We were discussing some thing, which at the moment I cannot remember, but I did proclaim that I was lazy.

Me - IG... I am sooooo lazy !
IG - well...laziness had a quality of going and sucking everyone into its clutches
Me - thats stupid, how can laziness go out out suck people into its clutches... its lazy... it just sits on its fat arse and does nothing...
IG - nnnnooooooooo!!! i'm telling u, laziness is not lazy... it gets people into its clutches,

now comes the profound part...read on

IG - its like when u put a dollop of butter on hot toast, it does not do any thing yet it spreads all over... that is what laziness is!

How can you fight with that logic ??